A Kick in the Pants
by RulerOfRandom
Summary: What could be worse than a kick in the pants, I wonder? Well, The Doctor is about to find out!


Title: A Kick in the Pants

Status: Complete

Rating: uh… should it be K+ or T? Hmmmm… I guess T to be safe because Captain Jack is involved

Summary: What could be worse than a kick in the pants, I wonder…?

Feedback: is love :-)

Disclaimer: I don't own it, unfortunately. However, I did get some neato action figures for my birthday last month and I definately own them! YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM! Grrrr...

A/N: I have no idea how this came to me and I'm slightly disturbed… Well, enjoy!

* * *

The Doctor and Jack sprinted down the corridors of a Kardonian research centre, their footsteps echoing loudly on the plain metal floors as they raced to get back to the TARDIS. They skidded around corners as one, coats flapping out behind them and shoes squeaking like huge, overgrown and very deformed mice.

The Doctor grinned as he saw a sign that he recognized. It read:

_Labs 216 – 226 this way._

_All visitors should be accompanied by a member of staff and should keep their identification with them at all times._

That meant they were going the right way. He sped up as soon as he realised this and Jack struggled to keep up.

"Come on Jack; they'll catch up to us if we're not careful." The Doctor called behind him, "the TARDIS is this way."

They were on the planet Kardon running from some Kardonian guards who The Doctor had upset, and, although they didn't look it, they could run faster than any normal man. If they weren't quick enough, they would be in for a whole lot of trouble.

He took a sharp left, then right, then carried on straight ahead down yet another long stretch of boring metal corridor, still traveling seemingly faster than the speed of light.

"Slow down, Doc, I'm pretty darn sure they aren't that fast!" Jack panted from behind The Doctor "besides, how do you even know where we're going?"

"It's my superior Time Lord memory and sense of direction, Jack," he replied without looking back "Your tiny human brain can't handle all that, unlike my great big Time Lord one."

"Yeah, yeah," he said "so you've told me, but doesn't having an immortal tiny human brain count for anything?"

They turned left at the end of the corridor and burst through an open door.

"'fraid not pal" The Doctor replied "oh look, there's the TARDIS, what did I say?"

The Doctor grinned and took out his key, ready to throw himself inside and get out of there. Just as he reached the room where the TARDIS sat, a short, stumpy green man with huge feet the size of a couple of small doors came stomping around the corner at a phenomenal speed. He marched up to The Doctor, spun him around by his arm, drew his knee up to his chest and kicked him right where it hurt all in the space of about a second.

With a high pitched shriek of pain, The Doctor collapsed into a heap on the ground, holding his crotch. Jack ran towards The Doctor as the Kardonian ran away and he crouched down beside him.

"Doc," he asked "are you alright?"

The Doctor looked up and grimaced in pain.

"No I bloody well am not!"

He groaned and sat up against the wall, closing his eyes for a couple of seconds. After a few moments Jack decided to break the silence.

"I could kiss it better if you like"

The Doctor laughed

"Yeah right Jack, what's that supposed to be code for?"

Jack's smile turned into a cheesy grin.

"Aw shut up, I wouldn't do that in public!" he replied making The Doctor raise an eyebrow.

"What?" he demanded

The Doctor shook his head. "Come on lets go" he said "help me up will you?"

Jack offered his hand and The Doctor took it, pulling himself into a standing position. He began to waddle ever so slowly towards the TARDIS.

"Well, it could be worse." Jack said

The Doctor stopped.

"What the hell could possibly be worse than a kick in the pants?!" he exclaimed

With that a stomping noise came from down the corridor and the Kardonian was back. The Doctor's eyes widened as the short green man raised his leg and kicked out once more, and he was unable to do anything about it. He fell back to the floor.

"Oh right…" he croaked "two kicks in the pants…"

* * *

A/N: lol crotch... .


End file.
